I'm Thankful For...

Top 10 Things I Was Thankful For This Thanksgiving:

10. Kristen Donovan, my high school best friend, whose engagement to long-time boyfriend Jason Balinski made me pee myself at least a million times this week. Jason put me in a tough position asking me two months ago if I had any idea what kind of ring she'd want. I can't believe I was able to keep that secret for as long as I did...oy. I'm pretty sure I'm mostly thankful that I don't have to keep that secret anymore!

Posted on my private blog on September 19, 2008:

"Jason" (1:14:08 AM): so
"Jason" (1:14:18 AM): i may or may not be looking for a ring for kristen

Congratulations, you two!

9. My school friends. Whenever I was having a bit of stress this break (which was...hmm...every other second), I would text or IM a friend from school and I'd get the sweet reminder (in the form of a text message or facebook post) that I'll be back at school in a matter of days. In my amazing full sized bed with at least 7 pillows..mmmm...

8. My computer. At school I have the shitty $300 desktop I've had since before freshman year. I bought it myself on a retail cashier's income, so it's a pretty crappy computer. Fortunately, I've had memory added to it (thanks to Brian) and I have a new giant LCD monitor (thanks to my parents), which are great cause I play World of Warcraft, browse facebook, chat with friends, blog, email, teach myself to play guitar, watch episodes of all my favorite shows, watch movies, etc etc on this one small machine. It's amazing how my life pretty much revolves around this amazing tool of communication and entertainment. And I miss it so much while I'm at home here on Monica's slowwww computer (which doesn't have World of Warcraft installed, hmph).

7. Brian. I couldn't ask for a better person to share my love and friendship with. I'll ironically leave this bit short, even though I could write a book about everything I love about this man. Two years of my life and I couldn't be happier.

6. My new hair!!!! I don't really have a good pic of it, but I got my hair dyed (well, highlighted I guess) by Matt King as one of his last customers at the hair salon he works at. I'm in love with my hair, it has so many different brown colors in it...it's the exact color (well colors I suppose haha) I've wanted for a long while. Thanks babe!

5. Amazing Food. Oh how I love mashed potatoes. And cheese ravioli. And turkey. And chocolate pie. And fudge. And...

4. My health. Sure, I've been to more doctors appointments this year than I ever have been before in my entire life. Ever. But I'm still kickin', aren't I? I can't complain about my health problems when things could be so much worse. And if it turns out I do have something seriously wrong with me when all the test results come back...well, we'll take it from there......as long as I'm not taking advantage of my health and life.

3. My family. What can I say? They drive me crazy the most, but they also love me the most. Whether I'm embarrassing them by dancing crazy at the football game or attacking them with a hug from behind in the kitchen, I love my crazy siblings. I also love how many times I've used the word "crazy" in this section about my family...

2. My newfound ability to let things go. I think I've gotten to a level of maturity where I realize I don't need certain people in my life. And I can let those people go without it being the end of the world. It's quite liberating. I have this pack-rat tendency to never let anything go, whether it be a stupid pencil collection or old clothes I'll never wear again or an aggravating exboyfriend or two whom I talk to a lot, therefore raising my blood pressure...

1. Support from goood old friends.

REGULAR NO ONE: I'm proud of you
REGULAR NO ONE: you really have been making a lot of progress with letting assholes go
REGULAR NO ONE: years ago this wouldn't have been the case
REGULAR NO ONE: I think [she] pushed you over the edge and got you to the point of f*ck you world if you shit on me I'll kill ya

That pretty much says it all.

Err

As you may know, I've never been one for watching lots of TV. Now, a lot of times I get sucked into the absolutely horrific shows on MTV, E, or VH1 with all the celebrity gossip, the love-seeking bisexuals, the ridiculous love-matching shows like "Next"...or "Date My Mom." But I am only truly devoted to four shows. Two sitcoms. Two dramas...well, dramadies. The Office, 30 Rock, Grey's Anatomy, and Brothers & Sisters.

Well I was catching up on my Grey's last night--online, of course--and they brought back Denny, who died forever ago, as a ghost. And Izzy has sex with the ghost. The alive girl has sex with the dead guy. WTF is Grey's coming to?!

As long as they don't bring vampires into the mix, I'm good.

Commitment, Community...something else....oh yeah. Confidence.

"Confidence. Commitment. Community."
The motto of good ole Westfield State College Residential Life.

I'm often asked what exactly a "CDA" (community development assistant) does. Well, we are RAs, who "work with students to create and maintain an atmosphere that fosters meaningful educational opportunities as well as valuable personal growth experiences" (according to the manual they gave me at the beginning of the year). But we are basically a "head RA" sort of person whose responsibilities include office hours, being a role model to the RA staff, helping the RD as needed, helping with RA selection and training and whatnot, overseeing the RA office, etc etc.

God, it's so awkward trying to explain what my job entails...

Anyway, last year I adored this job. More than anything. Sure, it stressed me out a lot of the time and things weren't perfect, but I felt like my job had a purpose. I was talking to a former resident who's now a good friend of mine, and I told him I miss my residents from last year. It got me to thinking.

I started this year out in a building I was uneasy about (To go from Lammers Hall with its section all in one area and everyone could easily meet everyone else...to Davis, a community-building DISASTER). With an RD I was uneasy about (I would have been uneasy about pretty much anyone cause it takes me a few months to adjust to a new boss). With an RA staff I was uneasy about (I am the staff member with the most experience and I wasn't really familiar with anyone on staff, unlike last year). I just came into this year with a negative outlook and a defensive wall built up.

Sure, it takes time to adjust to any job, but in this job, that can lead to an epic FAIL. The first few weeks are your chance to meet with residents, form a trust with them, and set the bar for the rest of the year. I might complain that I don't know some of my residents this year, but whose fault is that? Mine, of course. Last year I had enough confidence in my ability that I went out and made those bonds and connections in the beginning of the year, not afraid to knock on doors, stop by to say hello, etc.

Davis Hall sucks for community building, yes, but sitting in my room with the door shut isnt' going to help...

There's still time. I can fix this.

Ugh.

Of course I'd feel horrible and sick and be unable to sleep when today shall be the busiest day I've had in a longggg time.

I need to get my act together.

Hell Yeah!

Erica: Easy. There's right, and there's wrong. And this, was wrong. And illegal. There is no gray area here. You can't kind of think this is OK. You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens. And you be kind of a lesbian.
Callie: Yes, I can.


Booyeah!

Scoreboard:
Bisexuals-1, Ignorance-0

I could stay young and chipper , I'd lock it with a zipper, If I only had a heart....

I'm not the Tin Man :-(

I went to the doctor's office for another test to see what's wrong with my heart. This time the "test" was an ultrasound, where I got to view my heart...WHICH DOES EXIST! I have a heart! And apparently it's a "good one" to boot! So there...

Still doesn't explain why I've been having so many issues. Ugh. I just wish they'd figure it all out. It was really cool to see my heart though. It was beating and twitching and doing it's thing. I got to see all sorts of ventricles and atriums and my aorta...the human body actually has more than one aorta? I thought it was just one in the heart. Of course I am incorrect. But it was cool to see.

So yes, I have a heart, and apparently it looks good according to the nurse lady. But the cardiologist will be reviewing the video tape (yes there's a video of my heart. I'm sure it will outsell Paris' sex tape, just wait...) and getting back to me. We'll see for sure how my heart's working then. After this there's still another monitor thing I have to deal with..ew...

But at least I'm not the Tin Man. The Scarecrow is my favorite anyway, and there's certainly no guarantee that I have a brain up there ;)

Reefer Madness!

Who thinks weed is a huge part of their life and makes them fail classes, not work, and crash cars?

Yeahh, that's what I thought. So much money goes to waste on a "crime" that isn't worthy of the punishment put on it. Our country spends thousands of dollars to arrest and jail people for a crime that has done no harm to anyone. If someone is driving under the influence? Sure, jail 'em. If someone is selling drugs? Sure, jail 'em. But if someone is caught with weed on them with no other visible crime, why spend so much time jailing them for doing something that causes no harm to anyone else, and causes no more harm than alcohol or cigarettes?

Canada's Senate's reported findings after decriminalizing marijuana:

* Marijuana is not a gateway to the use of hard drugs.

* Marijuana use does not lead to the commission of crime.

* Marijuana users are unlikely to become dependent.
((marijuana is not physically addictive!! it's less addictive than caffeine!))

* Marijuana use has little impact on driving.

* Liberalizing marijuana laws is unlikely to lead to increased marijuana use.

* Marijuana prohibition poses a greater risk to health than marijuana use.



If you live in Massachusetts, please vote YES on QUESTION TWO.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

I'm moving to Europe.

I'm not really 100% sure why I'm voting Obama this year.

I know I don't usually see eye to eye with my parents politically, but I at least understand where they're coming from. McCain does have more experience, but that-in my opinion-doesn't really make a difference to me. It's what he stands for. The fact that he thinks Viagra should be covered by health insurance and birth control shouldn't pisses me off. The fact that he wants to keep our people in Iraq pisses me off. At least talk about figuring out a different way of handling it cause clearly we're getting nowhere, man.

And I think a lot of my pro-Obama stance has to do with the fact that there's a bit of a risk of Palin becoming president if McCain is elected. It absolutely frightens me. Anyone who says Obama has no experience should eat their words, cause honestly, honey? A world with Sarah Palin as our leader is a horrible nightmare to even think about.

I just wish there were a candidate who didn't suck. Someone who had all the good bits about McCain and the good bits about Obama all mixed into one. I'm sick of all this conservative/liberal crap. I'll run for president...no more welfare, raise taxes a little for health insurance (just like, y'know, the rest of the world does), more funding for education (just like, y'know, the rest of the world does, which is why they will be rolling in the dough while we're scrambling just to keep our banks from collapsing), etc etc.

Whatever. Tomorrow I think I'll post my opinion about Question 2 on the Massachusetts ballot. I'm sure I'll make a few enemies that way...


Three Fabulous British Things:
1. They don't have their prisons overflowing with marijuana-smoking criminals (if that gives you any indication of where I stand on question 2) due to decriminalization of marijuana (well, i believe it's a Class C, which is barely anything in England).
2. Molly Weasley.
3. It's not friggin' America, which is a silly country with silly laws and silly politicians.

I Feel This is a Pointless Blog Post...But Enjoy!

You know how you really love certain songs just because you can so completely relate to them? Everybody feels that way about their favorite songs...you can throw them in an away message, send them in a love (or hate lol) letter, use them as your wedding song, etc etc. Music speaks to us and helps us feel connected to something bigger when dealing with life, including shit-tastic situations...

One song that I never liked up until a while back was "Losing My Religion" by REM. It completely captures my feelings about this certain friend of mine I found myself having feelings for. Obviously never a simple situation (unless you're super lucky). I decided to look the song up and it ended up being on Wikipedia! Gotta love it...

"In the song, Michael Stipe sings the lines "That's me in the corner/That's me in the spotlight/Losing my religion". The phrase "losing my religion" is an expression from the southern region of the United States that means losing one's temper or civility, or "being at the end of one's rope." Stipe told The New York Times the song was about romantic expression.^[5] He told Q that "Losing My Religion" is about "someone who pines for someone else. It's unrequited love, what have you."^[6] Stipe compared the song's theme to "Every Breath You Take" by The Police, saying, "It's just a classic obsession pop song. I've always felt the best kinds of songs are the ones where anybody can listen to it, put themselves in it and say, 'Yeah, that's me.'""

I challenge you to wikipedia your favorite song. Or at least google it. Get back at me. Shoot me an IM, leave me a comment, I love hearing about how your feelings compare to the intended meanings of songs. Perhaps they don't completely match like my feelings and my song's intentions. It's about interpretation and who doesn't love chatting about that...