Oi!

I'm so freaking tired. It's 3:30am here (10:30pm back home) and I have an outing to get to at 9:30am tomorrow. Oi.

London is so fabulous so far. Sorry I really haven't had much of a chance to update this thing since I got here. I've been writing a bit in my notebook handwritten journal which is good I suppose.

As I might have mentioned, the flight here was horrendous. So long. There was so much food and drinks and movies and whatnot that it helped a bit. Got to love "apple bearclaws" that have no apple in them, they're merely bread with a little gel-like apple filling. Just like, a teaspoon's worth. Gross.

Anywho, the first day in London yesterday was an absolutely wonderful one. A bunch of us grouped together and walked around together. We went to the theatre bookstore to get our text books. We walked over the footbridge to get there:

gorgeous.

AHH CRAP it's friggin 4am now. Oi. Well, this whole updating thing will happen eventually I swear.

I can't decide where I want to go other than England while I'm here. Ireland? Scotland? Any suggestions????

On a last note here, this place is so fabulous. I swear I belong here. I feel so natural here it's wonderful :)

In London

Well, I'm here! I'm in London! Trying to figure out this British keyboard. The symbols are all in different places and they have things moved around and whatnot. I don't much like it.

The flight was so long. I didn't sleep a wink. So I'm running on no sleep and a few of us are about to wander the city for a while, hunting for different things.

Might grab an international calling card, because I was hit with homesickness this morning.

I haven't seen anything particularly cool so far, but I'll hopefully be able to get online soon and I'll have more exciting news to share. The whole lack-of-own-computer-or-phone thing is killing me. Though I have a phone in my room. And I can call teh states from it for about 15 cents a minute.

I am tired and homesick. And off to explore London! :-D

Some Presents for Y'all...

I have some pretty darn cool things to share with you this Christmas season. Consider them my Christmas gifts, as I am saving all my money for London, of course...


Becky, The Office Party Drunk Girl

/\fabulous song by my uncle, Jeff MacDougall, with some help from my aunt jackie Becky. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did :)


Also, I have some of my own work here, as crappy as it is. I was a little lazy in putting this together, but it at least provided me with some laughs once it was done with.

Presenting my final advanced video project, a chase scene with no dialogue...starring Michael Puglisi and some geek I know named Brian Freeman:





And, better yet, the blooper reel:




Enjoy! And Merry Christmas!

time to be a "negative nancy"...someone used that phrase with me recently. I chuckled.

Nothing like heart troubles to make you face your mortality.

I've had severe high blood pressure for almost a year now, but the heart pains, which I believe to be angina, started...hmmm...toward the end of the summer I think? Whenever I get incredibly stressed or anxious, I have this tightening in my chest. It's probably not that good.

I absolutely hate going to the doctors. I hate getting checked out for things, I hate tests, I hate everything about it. I'd rather sit in ignorant bliss and assume all is well in my body. But this year has been filled with doctors appointments, prescription medications, heart tests, monitors, EKG's, heart ultrasounds (that was pretty cool, I'll admit), and waiting for answers.

Meanwhile I'm slowly killing myself with untreated high blood pressure. Sweet.

They say there's always magic in the air on Broadway

Well, I finally did it. I went to see a show on Broadway!


Thanks to Brian's generous and amazing parents, I got to go into New York City Saturday and we saw the musical version of Young Frankenstein. I was beyond elated. They were even kind enough to come get me from Westfield on the way.

The show was absolutely phenomenal. It's closing in January '09, but if you get a chance to go...GO! It's a very cute script and it was just so well done...it was a great way to be introduced to Broadway :)

Afterwards we went to what very well may be the best pizza place in the entire world. Then we proceeded to wander Times Square and got a chance to meet some of the most interesting characters out there. One happened to be a rapper who apparently just cut an album. Oh, and he hasn't "shot no one." So there's a comforting thought. Makes me want to listen to his music, that's for darn sure.
Oh and I was in the same area as naked Harry Potter. That's pretty exciting. I overheard someone saying that in this play, Daniel Radcliffe "doesn't seem that gay." Well, uh, oookay? Didn't realize that was some sort of issue.

Anyway, I had an amazing time and I can't wait to go back :)

Edward Scissorhands ballet?? Okay!

I wish I had time to update this thing...oh, wait, I do! I just take a page out of my sister's book and tend to procrastinate from doing anything, including updating my blog.

Anywho.

I may or may not be seeing EDWARD SCISSORHANDS, THE BALLET while I'm in London. Nope, not making this shit up, kids.

I went through a period of time where I thought I wasn't going to be going to London at all due to financial reasons, but due to the support given to me by specific loved ones (<3) and after working out my finances, I'll be shipping off to Heathrow Airport in just 19 days. :)

More details to come, as I went to London Orientation Tuesday night..YAY!

Edward Scissorhands ballet...seriously now...

I'm Thankful For...

Top 10 Things I Was Thankful For This Thanksgiving:

10. Kristen Donovan, my high school best friend, whose engagement to long-time boyfriend Jason Balinski made me pee myself at least a million times this week. Jason put me in a tough position asking me two months ago if I had any idea what kind of ring she'd want. I can't believe I was able to keep that secret for as long as I did...oy. I'm pretty sure I'm mostly thankful that I don't have to keep that secret anymore!

Posted on my private blog on September 19, 2008:

"Jason" (1:14:08 AM): so
"Jason" (1:14:18 AM): i may or may not be looking for a ring for kristen

Congratulations, you two!

9. My school friends. Whenever I was having a bit of stress this break (which was...hmm...every other second), I would text or IM a friend from school and I'd get the sweet reminder (in the form of a text message or facebook post) that I'll be back at school in a matter of days. In my amazing full sized bed with at least 7 pillows..mmmm...

8. My computer. At school I have the shitty $300 desktop I've had since before freshman year. I bought it myself on a retail cashier's income, so it's a pretty crappy computer. Fortunately, I've had memory added to it (thanks to Brian) and I have a new giant LCD monitor (thanks to my parents), which are great cause I play World of Warcraft, browse facebook, chat with friends, blog, email, teach myself to play guitar, watch episodes of all my favorite shows, watch movies, etc etc on this one small machine. It's amazing how my life pretty much revolves around this amazing tool of communication and entertainment. And I miss it so much while I'm at home here on Monica's slowwww computer (which doesn't have World of Warcraft installed, hmph).

7. Brian. I couldn't ask for a better person to share my love and friendship with. I'll ironically leave this bit short, even though I could write a book about everything I love about this man. Two years of my life and I couldn't be happier.

6. My new hair!!!! I don't really have a good pic of it, but I got my hair dyed (well, highlighted I guess) by Matt King as one of his last customers at the hair salon he works at. I'm in love with my hair, it has so many different brown colors in it...it's the exact color (well colors I suppose haha) I've wanted for a long while. Thanks babe!

5. Amazing Food. Oh how I love mashed potatoes. And cheese ravioli. And turkey. And chocolate pie. And fudge. And...

4. My health. Sure, I've been to more doctors appointments this year than I ever have been before in my entire life. Ever. But I'm still kickin', aren't I? I can't complain about my health problems when things could be so much worse. And if it turns out I do have something seriously wrong with me when all the test results come back...well, we'll take it from there......as long as I'm not taking advantage of my health and life.

3. My family. What can I say? They drive me crazy the most, but they also love me the most. Whether I'm embarrassing them by dancing crazy at the football game or attacking them with a hug from behind in the kitchen, I love my crazy siblings. I also love how many times I've used the word "crazy" in this section about my family...

2. My newfound ability to let things go. I think I've gotten to a level of maturity where I realize I don't need certain people in my life. And I can let those people go without it being the end of the world. It's quite liberating. I have this pack-rat tendency to never let anything go, whether it be a stupid pencil collection or old clothes I'll never wear again or an aggravating exboyfriend or two whom I talk to a lot, therefore raising my blood pressure...

1. Support from goood old friends.

REGULAR NO ONE: I'm proud of you
REGULAR NO ONE: you really have been making a lot of progress with letting assholes go
REGULAR NO ONE: years ago this wouldn't have been the case
REGULAR NO ONE: I think [she] pushed you over the edge and got you to the point of f*ck you world if you shit on me I'll kill ya

That pretty much says it all.

Err

As you may know, I've never been one for watching lots of TV. Now, a lot of times I get sucked into the absolutely horrific shows on MTV, E, or VH1 with all the celebrity gossip, the love-seeking bisexuals, the ridiculous love-matching shows like "Next"...or "Date My Mom." But I am only truly devoted to four shows. Two sitcoms. Two dramas...well, dramadies. The Office, 30 Rock, Grey's Anatomy, and Brothers & Sisters.

Well I was catching up on my Grey's last night--online, of course--and they brought back Denny, who died forever ago, as a ghost. And Izzy has sex with the ghost. The alive girl has sex with the dead guy. WTF is Grey's coming to?!

As long as they don't bring vampires into the mix, I'm good.

Commitment, Community...something else....oh yeah. Confidence.

"Confidence. Commitment. Community."
The motto of good ole Westfield State College Residential Life.

I'm often asked what exactly a "CDA" (community development assistant) does. Well, we are RAs, who "work with students to create and maintain an atmosphere that fosters meaningful educational opportunities as well as valuable personal growth experiences" (according to the manual they gave me at the beginning of the year). But we are basically a "head RA" sort of person whose responsibilities include office hours, being a role model to the RA staff, helping the RD as needed, helping with RA selection and training and whatnot, overseeing the RA office, etc etc.

God, it's so awkward trying to explain what my job entails...

Anyway, last year I adored this job. More than anything. Sure, it stressed me out a lot of the time and things weren't perfect, but I felt like my job had a purpose. I was talking to a former resident who's now a good friend of mine, and I told him I miss my residents from last year. It got me to thinking.

I started this year out in a building I was uneasy about (To go from Lammers Hall with its section all in one area and everyone could easily meet everyone else...to Davis, a community-building DISASTER). With an RD I was uneasy about (I would have been uneasy about pretty much anyone cause it takes me a few months to adjust to a new boss). With an RA staff I was uneasy about (I am the staff member with the most experience and I wasn't really familiar with anyone on staff, unlike last year). I just came into this year with a negative outlook and a defensive wall built up.

Sure, it takes time to adjust to any job, but in this job, that can lead to an epic FAIL. The first few weeks are your chance to meet with residents, form a trust with them, and set the bar for the rest of the year. I might complain that I don't know some of my residents this year, but whose fault is that? Mine, of course. Last year I had enough confidence in my ability that I went out and made those bonds and connections in the beginning of the year, not afraid to knock on doors, stop by to say hello, etc.

Davis Hall sucks for community building, yes, but sitting in my room with the door shut isnt' going to help...

There's still time. I can fix this.

Ugh.

Of course I'd feel horrible and sick and be unable to sleep when today shall be the busiest day I've had in a longggg time.

I need to get my act together.

Hell Yeah!

Erica: Easy. There's right, and there's wrong. And this, was wrong. And illegal. There is no gray area here. You can't kind of think this is OK. You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens. And you be kind of a lesbian.
Callie: Yes, I can.


Booyeah!

Scoreboard:
Bisexuals-1, Ignorance-0

I could stay young and chipper , I'd lock it with a zipper, If I only had a heart....

I'm not the Tin Man :-(

I went to the doctor's office for another test to see what's wrong with my heart. This time the "test" was an ultrasound, where I got to view my heart...WHICH DOES EXIST! I have a heart! And apparently it's a "good one" to boot! So there...

Still doesn't explain why I've been having so many issues. Ugh. I just wish they'd figure it all out. It was really cool to see my heart though. It was beating and twitching and doing it's thing. I got to see all sorts of ventricles and atriums and my aorta...the human body actually has more than one aorta? I thought it was just one in the heart. Of course I am incorrect. But it was cool to see.

So yes, I have a heart, and apparently it looks good according to the nurse lady. But the cardiologist will be reviewing the video tape (yes there's a video of my heart. I'm sure it will outsell Paris' sex tape, just wait...) and getting back to me. We'll see for sure how my heart's working then. After this there's still another monitor thing I have to deal with..ew...

But at least I'm not the Tin Man. The Scarecrow is my favorite anyway, and there's certainly no guarantee that I have a brain up there ;)

Reefer Madness!

Who thinks weed is a huge part of their life and makes them fail classes, not work, and crash cars?

Yeahh, that's what I thought. So much money goes to waste on a "crime" that isn't worthy of the punishment put on it. Our country spends thousands of dollars to arrest and jail people for a crime that has done no harm to anyone. If someone is driving under the influence? Sure, jail 'em. If someone is selling drugs? Sure, jail 'em. But if someone is caught with weed on them with no other visible crime, why spend so much time jailing them for doing something that causes no harm to anyone else, and causes no more harm than alcohol or cigarettes?

Canada's Senate's reported findings after decriminalizing marijuana:

* Marijuana is not a gateway to the use of hard drugs.

* Marijuana use does not lead to the commission of crime.

* Marijuana users are unlikely to become dependent.
((marijuana is not physically addictive!! it's less addictive than caffeine!))

* Marijuana use has little impact on driving.

* Liberalizing marijuana laws is unlikely to lead to increased marijuana use.

* Marijuana prohibition poses a greater risk to health than marijuana use.



If you live in Massachusetts, please vote YES on QUESTION TWO.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

I'm moving to Europe.

I'm not really 100% sure why I'm voting Obama this year.

I know I don't usually see eye to eye with my parents politically, but I at least understand where they're coming from. McCain does have more experience, but that-in my opinion-doesn't really make a difference to me. It's what he stands for. The fact that he thinks Viagra should be covered by health insurance and birth control shouldn't pisses me off. The fact that he wants to keep our people in Iraq pisses me off. At least talk about figuring out a different way of handling it cause clearly we're getting nowhere, man.

And I think a lot of my pro-Obama stance has to do with the fact that there's a bit of a risk of Palin becoming president if McCain is elected. It absolutely frightens me. Anyone who says Obama has no experience should eat their words, cause honestly, honey? A world with Sarah Palin as our leader is a horrible nightmare to even think about.

I just wish there were a candidate who didn't suck. Someone who had all the good bits about McCain and the good bits about Obama all mixed into one. I'm sick of all this conservative/liberal crap. I'll run for president...no more welfare, raise taxes a little for health insurance (just like, y'know, the rest of the world does), more funding for education (just like, y'know, the rest of the world does, which is why they will be rolling in the dough while we're scrambling just to keep our banks from collapsing), etc etc.

Whatever. Tomorrow I think I'll post my opinion about Question 2 on the Massachusetts ballot. I'm sure I'll make a few enemies that way...


Three Fabulous British Things:
1. They don't have their prisons overflowing with marijuana-smoking criminals (if that gives you any indication of where I stand on question 2) due to decriminalization of marijuana (well, i believe it's a Class C, which is barely anything in England).
2. Molly Weasley.
3. It's not friggin' America, which is a silly country with silly laws and silly politicians.

I Feel This is a Pointless Blog Post...But Enjoy!

You know how you really love certain songs just because you can so completely relate to them? Everybody feels that way about their favorite songs...you can throw them in an away message, send them in a love (or hate lol) letter, use them as your wedding song, etc etc. Music speaks to us and helps us feel connected to something bigger when dealing with life, including shit-tastic situations...

One song that I never liked up until a while back was "Losing My Religion" by REM. It completely captures my feelings about this certain friend of mine I found myself having feelings for. Obviously never a simple situation (unless you're super lucky). I decided to look the song up and it ended up being on Wikipedia! Gotta love it...

"In the song, Michael Stipe sings the lines "That's me in the corner/That's me in the spotlight/Losing my religion". The phrase "losing my religion" is an expression from the southern region of the United States that means losing one's temper or civility, or "being at the end of one's rope." Stipe told The New York Times the song was about romantic expression.^[5] He told Q that "Losing My Religion" is about "someone who pines for someone else. It's unrequited love, what have you."^[6] Stipe compared the song's theme to "Every Breath You Take" by The Police, saying, "It's just a classic obsession pop song. I've always felt the best kinds of songs are the ones where anybody can listen to it, put themselves in it and say, 'Yeah, that's me.'""

I challenge you to wikipedia your favorite song. Or at least google it. Get back at me. Shoot me an IM, leave me a comment, I love hearing about how your feelings compare to the intended meanings of songs. Perhaps they don't completely match like my feelings and my song's intentions. It's about interpretation and who doesn't love chatting about that...

Just Borrow It From Your Parents....

Good Morning

Unfortunately you are not eligible to receive the small grant to assist you with your J-term costs. You have also used your full Stafford Loan eligibility for the academic year. Other loans, such as parent borrowing or a private educational loan may be an option. If you have further questions, you may wish to stop by the financial aid office at “333” to speak with a member of the financial aid staff.

Hopefully this helps


Why yes, your complete inability to help me pay is very helpful, thank you!


UGH.

I'm a Blimp

I'm fat. Crap.

And I'm sick of this "Oh you're not fat, you're fine" bullshit. I'm fat. I know it. It sucks. Crap. Last spring I lost like, 10-15 lbs and then this fall I've gained at least 20 lbs. Which is horrifying.

The irony is, the weight gain started when I learned I have unbelievably high blood pressure for my age. My average blood pressure over the summer was like, 160/105 (if you are anything like I used to be before I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, you have no idea what that means. Healthy blood pressure is below 120/80).

So just as they're starting to test me to figure out why I have the blood pressure of a 60 year old with heart disease, my body is depressed and stressed and hoarding food like a madwoman. Go figure.

My weight gain also coincides with my turning 21, which might have something to do with it. I don't think I drink THAT much. No more than before I was 21 ;). But it still seems to have had an effect on my health.

My cousin Kristine posted this link to a Life Expectancy Calculator and I took it. My results were basically "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

If I can somehow get my blood pressure down (if the doctor's ever figure out what's up with that) and I can get my weight down by about 40 lbs, I can add 10 years onto my life.

Though that won't help if I get hit by a bus tomorrow or something.

My old buddy...

So I skipped my Major American Writers class. I was hating life and decided I should just not sit and listen to a lecture about poetry I already understand. So I went to the store with my friends instead. I later sent an email to my professor apologizing for not being in class and after explaining the surprise take home quiz he assigned, he said the following...

"I didn't plan to send this to people who weren't in class today, but I will do it for you, since we're old buddies, and since you don't miss very many classes"

Hahahah so fabulous. I love being buddies with my teachers.

I do hope I get the chance to go to his house again for some more good southern home cooking. Mmmm Stubbs.

Listening to Show Tunes...

I've never seen a Broadway show. ME. The theatre girl. Never.

I would punch a baby if it meant I could see Les Mis on Broadway. They need to like, reopen it. Phantom's on Broadway though. Maybe I'll check that shit out. Or Spring Awakening. Or In the Heights. Or even damn Shrek the Musical (okay, maybe not). Or Wicked.


...or the naked Harry Potter one ;)

Do you fancy billie piper, sir?

The thing I hate about blogs is they're public.

Well, duh. But honestly, sometimes I just want to come on and vent about so-and-so being an annoying jackass, but I really can't. Or people will get mad at me. I can't handle keeping a written journal anymore. Typing is so much more efficient. But then I go to type out my personal issues on my private blog and...it's boring. The internet is about communication and if I'm communicating to just myself? How boring is that? Ah well.

Anyway, life has been stressful. I helped run an event last night..it was beer pong, minus the beer. It was an educational pong tournament. People seemed to enjoy it. And I actually learned a lot about alcohol. And how ignorant and annoying some people can be. YAY. People were like "fuck these questions, I want to play beer pong" and I'm like "WTF?"

My life is boring, I have no more to say ahah.

Three Fabulous British Things
1. Shakespeare
2. Catherine Tate
3. The Office

Whine-Time!

This week sucks royally already. I haven't accomplished anything I need to. I feel like a failure. A panicked failure. I can't do my job right, I can't get classes right, and I am not sleeping well (or at reasonable times) at all. Lame.

I'm hungry!

Don't Blame Us If We Ever Doubt Ya...

England's M&M's don't taste good?! That sucks. Thanks for the heads up, Laura.

You know what else sucks? The score of the Red Sox game right now. 3-1?! What is this?! We were in the lead for like....5 minutes. Ugh.

So this weekend was...interesting. It was homecoming/alumni weekend at good ole Westfield State. Friday night I got sick at the lovely, pricey, romantic Carrabbas restaurant, which sucked. Not only did I vomit, but some old broad walked into my stall in the restroom. She got a free show while I was sick and wanting to die sitting on the porcelain throne. Lame.

Saturday night was the first "Senior Night," which was delightful. I had a few beers with some cool kids. Then we went to Tommy D's, which was SO PACKED. I spent a good portion of my hours there waiting in line for the lady's room...about 12 times. It was lovely. I got a little out of hand. I later asked Brian why I drank so much and his response was "Two words: Hoodie." I agreed-that sums it up nicely. Wasn't really two words though. Hmm.

Anyway I woke up wearing two bras (neither happened to be the one I wore out the night before) and there was a lamp overturned across my floor. Interesting.

Today I shot a gun for the first time. I don't think I sucked tooo much. It was freakin' terrifying. I absolutely hated it at first. Guns scare me. They kill. The noises were so loud and I was so nervous I'd fuck up and shoot my face off. But I got the hang of it and had fun trying to shoot the target. I'd consider going back sometime.

Three Fabulous British Things:
1. Sexy accents
2. Cockney!
3. They don't have the Red Sox there to torture me...

Well okay, I'm dumb...

Okay, so maybe I'm a little stupid for not realizing that the naked Harry Potter play is on Broadway, not in freakin' London. Ha.

I want to go to a Broadway show! Not that I'll be able to afford one in y'know...the next few years since I'll be spending all my money on paying for England and school. And hopefully a car. And eventually health insurance. Oh and all the crap that comes with the car I might get (ie: insurance, registration, oil changes, gas, little tree air fresheners...the fluffy steering wheel covers...the leopard print seat covers...). I'd also like to move out of Mom & Dad's house, that'd be nice...but let's not get too ahead of ourselves...

BTW, I'm never pumpkin carving again. SO gross.

I didn't touch that crap at all.


Three Fabulous British Things:
1. Mary Poppins
2. Tea
3. English Muffins...? ;)

There's No Place Like London...

"And welcome to Enfamil Family Beginnings. We know this is a special time and we're excited to help you every step of the way. Count on us for advice and support during your pregnancy — and your baby's first years."




..What the hell?! Did my doctor send out a mass memo to advertisers...cause she definitely didn't tell me anything about this. I hate spam mail, gives me a bloody heart attack.

Anywho, I'm going to London!!! I'm absolutely ecstatic. I have always wanted to go to England! I am hoping to set up a trip to Ireland while I'm there as well. I'll be studying theatre (of course :-P) and I'll be seeing SO MANY shows while I'm there.

I'm looking at the "Course Outline" right now...It seems it will be a mix of "Class Sessions" and "Excursions" with the "Evening Performances" thrown in every few days. We only have three "free" days. And one is a weekend that I completely intend on taking advantage of: http://www.seat61.com/Ireland.htm

Here are some of the things I'll be doing in England from December 29 through January 16:

Excursions:

• Tower of London
• Church of Ethelburga (I have no idea...)
• The Inns of Court
• The South Bank
• Archeological Remains of the Rose Theatre
• Shakespeare's Reconstructed Globe Theatre
• National Portrait Gallery
• Covent Garden
• Drury Lane (MAYBE I'LL MEET THE MUFFIN MAN?!)
• Victoria & ALbert Museum Archive Tour?
• Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (OH GOD that sounds fabulous)
• The National Theatre

Class Sessions:

• Intro to London Theatre
• Shakespeare's London
• Restoration & Eighteenth Century Theatre
• Nineteenth Century London Theatre
• Twentieth-Century London Theatre
• Contemporary London Theatre

Possible Outings/Performances:

• Performance at Covent Garden, the Old Vic, & National Theatre
• Traditional Christmas pantomime at the Hackney Empire
• Derek Jacobi in Twelfth Night (*squeal!*) at the Donmar Warehouse
• The new musical Lady Godiva at the King's Head pub theatre.

I'm rather upset we're not going to see that play where Harry Potter's naked. Oh well. Maybe they'll have a naked broad on a horse when we go to see Lady Godiva.

God, how can they expect me to go study for my Advanced Video Production class when I have LONDON to plan for? Honestly...

I am enjoying video production though. Maybe I really will go into editing. FinalCut 4 lyf<3 :-P

Alright, I'm off to sell myself on the streets in order to afford the London trip...
(aka study for my midterms)

Wish me luck!